When I was in elementary school, my teachers would pass out a future career path worksheet to fill out at the end of every year. Every time I got the result, I was frustrated that it indicated I was destined to help people (social worker, therapist, counselor) instead of telling me I should be an artist or designer - something creative - like I wanted! “This is wrong!” I’d declare defiantly each time. I soon set off on the long uphill and unfulfilling battle to become a designer in the fashion industry.
Over the last 18 years, I have spent many days putting on my layers of emotional and spiritual protection in the morning so that I could slog through the day sending terse emails at work and be seen as strong enough to handle my position and my industry. I would leave work feeling absolutely exhausted. As soon as I returned to my soft, comforting domain, the armor would clang to the ground and my soft center would finally emerge. I thought to myself, sadly, “Is this what it’s like to ‘Make It’?”
A few years ago, ensconced in an interior office with no windows, neck deep in production emails and approvals, chained to my computer, and drained of connection and emotional interaction, I felt completely defeated. I had spent 13 years on this career, and had been doing well at it, with many of my pieces selling in large department stores. I told myself “you’re successful, just be happy to have this career!”
But that nagging feeling kept coming back. I just didn’t want to be in the fashion industry any longer. One day, I thought to myself, “Why can’t I just have a career getting to know people and helping them, too?” It was then that I realized the tests were right all along. My desire to help people runs through me deeply, and always has. I wasn’t validating my own inner voice on this current path, so it was time for a change!
Not long after this epiphany, along came a global pandemic, forcing us to collectively put absolutely everything on hold. Things we could never have imagine stopping just…stopped. The good things, yes, but also things that in the past have been completely out of our control to stop, maybe that we WANTED to stop but always felt powerless to do so. The endless loop of traffic, the deafening police helicopters, the continuous stream of aircraft flyovers, the constant gas tank fill-ups, the long commutes, the difficult parking, too many plans or commitments - all suddenly washed away. An unusual opportunity, a clean slate!
Suddenly I was home with my husband and then 2 year old, and any hope of doing something else, something more true to my calling, was put on hold. Sadly, the “toughness” demanded by my career and my city now invaded my safe space. My husband and I desperately paddled to keep our chins above water as we balanced work, fear, and non-stop childcare. My son - traumatized by the complete disappearance of school, his friends, going places, and Gramma & Grampa - was desperate for extra attention and comfort right at the moment we couldn’t give it to him. For 3 months, voices were raised, boundaries were tested, and bonds were strained as we frantically volleyed our son back and forth and each tried to complete both of our workloads as we worried if our jobs were secure while parenting and teaching full-time. Nights were spent reading parenting books to learn how to get our toddler to do what we asked without raising our voices or getting angry. Unique challenges were set up to keep him in bed at night so we could sleep. I became acutely aware that I was putting my career - something I wasn’t even enjoying - in front of my two true loves, and finally decided that it just wasn’t worth it!
Finally, in May of 2020, bolstered by the vast and unprecedented changes in our society, I was able to actually imagine re-structuring my life around my desires, rather than the other way around. As a college graduate you are poured into the mixer of life that is already running and churning and processing full speed. It is so hard to build what YOU want for your life when you enter the machine that has been built for you by a society of days long past; a clunky machine that is ill-fitted for our modern life and our exquisite souls. It was then I decided to take action on that deep desire of mine that had been bubbling under the surface for years. I decided to become a certified life coach, using the Core Coaching method.
Through my certification training, I realized how much I was silencing myself for the convenience of fitting into the systems built around me, and I realized, with pain and sadness, but also hope and excitement, how much of myself I had given away…and for what? A career I didn’t even like. Not anymore! I realized that I alone could put a stop to this.
After those hard truths surfaced and were acknowledged, then came the fun part of designing my life, just the way I wanted it! After all, what is more creative than guiding women to uncover their deepest desires and true passions? What is more creative than helping women find ways to let their true nature shine through the city’s hard crust? What is more creative than walking arm in arm with them and helping them grow and flourish by encouraging them to listen to their own knowledgeable and loving voices from within? To quiet the city and magnify their own voices deep inside to be louder than email dings, car chases, sirens, calendars, and alarms?
In the last 3 years I have lived for my own true self in building my coaching business, and I hope you can feel my energy and know that you can experience the same fulfillment and unbridled joy in designing the life you’ve always craved!
Looking so forward to connecting with you.
